absinthe after dinner

this world does not get easier. we are not promised a free pass into calm seas or clear skies. but this world, my world, sees the rain come, the clouds form, and the darkness spread through the soul. the world is never easy... but i've exhausted myself in the hopes of finding some peace. there are a thousand scars criss-crossing the dirt and no path is particularly smooth or worn. this is the road i am traveling. stuck granite cut into the infinate earth. a road of blood and travel-lorn weary passengers softening in the dark. sans mother, sans father, and with all the demons of hell following behind. but you see, i want off this road. this road so few seem to notice i am on. i want to wake one morning and not hear the cries of help ringing off in some distant shore, haunted with my nightmares. i want off this road where my past is present and future. this town, this land is dead. the road is constant circles that lead back to this sad place. this place where i feel welcome only by the obligation to love. the place where i am wanted simply for the reason that there is no other option. this place where i am burden. simply baggage for those around me. those deaf to my cires and blind to my actions. and all the sympathy in the world would never dry the tears that seem to flow so naturally from my baby blues. i'm not looking for the pitty. i just want someone to talk to. i want to get out of this place. i want to run, to drive, to fly away from this place. i want to be held and cherished and loved. i want out. i want up. i want away and far and soon. i want to drink with my lover and forget the burns of the past. i want to be wanted by my family and loved, not out of guilty obligation, but genuine feeling. i want to feel less like i'm the problem, and more like i'm on my way to the answer.

the answer.