angels and airwaves

not a day goes by where i don't learn somthing about this world and the lives we live. days of hurt and pain and sadness. days of rest and longing. days of contentment and peace. but every day i learn. and one thing i have come to know in recent days, is that i don't have to be alone. there is always someone out there somewhere. somewhere someone is thinking of my happiness and worrying about how i slept last night. some days someone shares a song, someone shares a story, someone calls or texts or stops by. sometimes the sun doesn't shine so harshly, some days that perfect kind of rain comes. some days i'll make love. but it's the in between that kills us all. the one day out of so many where you seem to wish the world to fall down around you and swallow you in the darkness. the one day in the middle of a hundred perfect days when you hope something fast and heavy stops your breath on the freeway. burn those bridges when you get there.

you see it's those days, the days when you've been used, beaten, forgotten, or mistreated that make the better days, well... better.

those days for me sometimes out number the good in the world, but those days i look back on the songs, or poems, or phone calls that climb up the airways and teach me about all my life, it's those days when i learn to appreciate the people who love me. last night, i was told two very touching and important things: first, i was told that, though flawed, i have become a beautiful person... with or without the help of others. i'm strong but dependant. it helps to know i've gotten somewhere, and i won't easily forget the journey. second, i was told that for all the plotting of my own demise, the loathing, the cutting, the pain... i could never end my life because i love it too much. to hear someone tell me that they love how much i love my own life, how passionate i am to keep living though what i wish wasn't hell... it makes a profound difference.

so in short i want to thank the angels... for the songs, the thoughts, the prayers, the calls, the visits, and most of all i thank my "teacher"

i thank you for giving me hope to live this life and teaching me all about it.