remember me, special needs

i took them off. one at a time, as if there were any other way. it's funny i only wear this disguise when i'm with those i love. because they're checking me over. looking to see what this absence has done to me. i can't seem to tell why, when it only makes them angry. they don't really want to find out, because they want it to go away. and i guess you just don't know how much time i spend with myself. i mean days go by without real human love and so little contact that nothing's really lost. not much was left to lose anyway. and this is getting so far beyond discouraging. i'm sick of the long sleeves and arm bands and uterly tired of being ignored. but what i hate more than any other thing in this unpredictably short life is being left behind. being forgotten. not being important. i'm being a martyr. but it's so unintentional that it's killing me. so let me say that this will be abrubt, when no one's looking. it will come along on the days that you think i'm fine. and even i won't have time to save me.