you bleed just to know you're alive

today, the 30th, it's two weeks today. two weeks without any cutting or scratching. two weeks without the thin deep lines arcoss my left arm. two weeks, it's hard to think that i would find myself measuring out the days between self-injury. but i'm clean. and it doesn't come easy, i almost fell off the wagon tonight. and it seems such an up-hill fight. i can't tell if it's getting easier to say no, or just building up that slow push to bleed.

i will say this: it's a day by day battle. today i'm winning. i hope i am tomorrow. you may be going through this with me, it's not easy and we all fuck up. i can't tell you to just stop and you'll count the two weeks away and it's all better then. two days from now i could be back where i started, but i hope i'm not. i'll keep fighting not to be. and i hope you do too. even if you can't stop now, know that others are in this darkness with you, many have been in this darkness before us even. fuck the cliche "youre not alone." you feel alone. we all do. but at least we miserable are in good company. it will get okay.



"are you feelin that youre on the brink of spillin some red in the sink?
it wasn't the easiest year. no, i don't want you to go" - eve 6