than do this....

i'm never going to escape my fear and mourning. i can't embrace it, it will consume me. and in the moment i wanted to speak, to be okay, to share and to live, to escape it, i couldn't. the voiceover to my life. i feel so ugly some days. inside. and the scary part is that i know how much i hate myself. and i know what i'm capable of. so here's what worries me: i truly had at least three deeply sincere moments of wanting to die today...