"i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me" and text messages make my day

half the stuff i write down here isn't worth the reading...


moment to think of my life. i'm aware of the fact that i can be a bad person. but that's not all of who i am. i think i'm just too hungry. i was told once by someone i love, that i have a painful desire and want for life. i feel great need to learn and experience, but that movement involves pain. but the thirst overwhelms me. and for too long in my life i've been stuck in a place where i think i need to learn about pain. that's why i let people hurt me the way they do. but i'm restless by nature, so don't think there's something wrong when i can't sleep or i'm not hungry. and i freely admit you amaze me, but i wonder, did you take the time to see me? to look at me? i think i could be amazing too. and i don't try to make it any easier to be infatuated with me, i don't think i'm intimidating, but i do think i have the world to offer. i want to be on your mind today, so think about me. i just want today. i think it's specail. and they all ask questions that they don't really want to know the answer to. they politely say and speak and do what it is they are obligated to. because i try so hard to impress them. it's funny, they care more when i do something bad than when i do something good. they spend more time with me, they talk. why wouldn't i then conclude that bad things gain me their love? but it is time now, to not worry about the good and the bad and what they will think, i just wish they'd show me that they'd love me anyway. i'll be getting by. it's a beautiful day and i feel unequivical. i even feel a little happy. but i miss waking up to text messages in the morning.

p.s. sometimes i'm afraid you don't really want me