i got a bad disease

and today i struggle with it. i'm torn inside. i'm bleeding. i'm feeling lost. and i know that's not all i can feel, i've been doing so well. but not today. today i want to weep, i want to cry, i want to tear open my arms and swim in my hurt. and i'm tracing every scar on my wrist and i'm hoping and praying to god that i don't go back there. today is that day. the day the child inside is crying. the day that i'm hungry for more than just food. today is the day that i'm praying for anyone out there to make right. today is that day i need a reason to keep going. today is the day that i need to be held.