that's more than i can say for _ _ _

isn't it funny how a song can find you in the right moments of the day? i could have run for a million hours on the fuel. i don't want to feel so much for a memory, for a ghost, or for a perfectly real someone just outside of the reach of this heart. somewhere along this road of devoted second chances and secrets kept from no one but ourselves i have grown into more than just some girl. i wish you could see that sometimes. all the words i used to know and the ones i still have occasion to hear, fall on me like the song of the moment. like the mix of emotion and sadness in the silky taste of broken friendships and great great love affairs. i have to say, i could be everything you're looking for, but you'll never know that.

so i tie it up in my black satin ribbons and i wait for rainy days and treadmills. rainy days to let it free in gray skies, and treadmills to watch it burn in softly spoken anger. i'll keep my voice low and my hopes lower, parting on the sidewalks someday far from now. one day i will say goodbye to this need. the most important heartbeats i have ever known, one is hushed now and the other does not want to beat for me.

i want to say to two of you, thank you for what you have taught me. and to the one, i know you can't hear me and i know you don't know me anymore, i know you're far away and maybe still dreaming of how we could have saved the world, but i want to say thank you for the night you stayed up with me to hold my hand from hours away and quiet the hurt. thank you for staying until it was over, i understand now why you had to leave.