painful and real slow

i have to thank you for letting me hear it. i told you today that it's perfect for me. twice now he sings about the blackbird... that's me. the "raven" if you will. and it's about you too. all the songs we sing together, every moment of playful touches, every morning of needy affection, every skipped and missed class.

i know what you know. about me. the ache, and the memories, and wishing my life had been different. you know that it's real slow, honey, painful and real slow.

but what you don't know is that you make it go by faster.

thank you.

houston

i don't know what your problem is, but you need to pull the stick out of your ass. you're about to make me start something you won't be able to finish. and just like i keep saying, you don't know what i do, and if you did, you'd just lie down and die. so stop tip toeing around my feet to see how close you can get to stepping on my toes, cause i will call you out on your bullshit. and you won't like what's going to happen.

don't say i didn't warn you.

i wont sleep if you wont sleep

drove on into midnight. past our place on the lake. passing subtle glances in the rear view. walked up the side of a mountain and saw the world explode from above the stars. took it all in. and i wondered... and the music played on, and the sleepy souls kept flaming watch over every move. i wondered what was going on inside your head. there is a certain pain in keeping secrets. secrets lovers leave years after on lonely hearts. i watch you pull away, a sea from her island, and in spite of myself i feel happy in her ignorance.

and she sleeps in the bed she has made.

"life"

don't talk to me about life experience.
just because you've fucked two dozen guys
and are considered by most of your "friends"
to be clinically insane,
does not mean you know more about the world than i do.

it just means you're a pathetic, delusional whore.

come to me when you've watched your family fall apart.
come to me when you've seen your loved ones die.
come to me when you find your mom OD'd in her bed.
come to me when a monster sneaks into your room at night
and steals your child hood.

come to me when you've done a single thing
that was not for your own personal gain.

then we can talk about "life"

if there's nothing left to die for

and if there's nothing left to die for
and all this our beauty is just decay
and if there's nothing left to die for
then you and me
let's go out going all the way

-----------

why don't we just say fuck it all, try to forget what we'd be leaving behind, and pretend we never knew what it was like to have it so good? why don't we make believe there's no reason to stay, head off to the ocean and make love on the beach? can you tow the line with me? pull up anchor and cut my messy strings? can we get outta here and go someplace quiet where we can be alone with my head on your shoulder and your dreams in my heart? the place where the cosmos ends and forever is a millisecond in the collapsing time line of our closed-door shifts in the night time heat. can we find where the clouds touch the earth and lie in the rain, soaked to the bone with apathy and late fall sunrises? that kind that just peak through the fog and soggy earth.

can we pretend that we're the only ideas that matter, like the last two people on a post apocalyptic earth, clutching the universe in our tiny, unknown hands? make believe that wars, dogmas, hypocrisies, and civilizations exist only in our rhythmic breathing? what is there to keep us here if we tell ourselves to never look back? to not stop running? to watch the sky crash and the moon bleed and not fear? to tell ourselves we've got nothing left here? to believe that there's nothing left to die for.

let's go all the way.

uninvited

why did you have to show up tonight?
why can't you just stay away from here?
i was having such a great life without you.
i did not invite you.

why did you have to come here?
i don't want to pick up your pieces.
i'm not here to be your babysitter.
so please stay out of my way.

oh, the places you'll go

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’ t
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl

Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

if you _ _ _ _ what i do

i hear you speak about the way things are going. i know you well enough to look for the hint in your eye. it is not my place to evaluate the illusion you have talked yourself into. but don't look at me and expect to see the jealousy you long for. don't speak to me as if you have something to prove. because if you knew the things that i do, you wouldn't think it was going so smoothly. "love" is a general meaning, and if it happened to _ _ _ it can happen to you. deep down inside i know you know better.

when i saw you i thought "how sad you must be" i didn't see a simple smile or hope in you. its no use to lie to yourself about these things. yet you tell me it''s working. you tell me it's what you hoped it would be. baby, i promise you, it isn't.

i'm sorry i'm happy in front of you. i'm sorry you wish i felt dejected or envious of something you make believe you have. the fact is, i am happy. i am whole. i am on the mend. and most of all i am loved... beyond belief, beyond reason, and far beyond what i deserve. you've fooled yourself into believing the same is true for you. i've already stated: you know better.

go with your gut. and know that i already know what's coming. if you have to compensate the way you do... something is missing. and we both know it. so stop pretending, stop hoping to see me react. it's not going to happen. i'm sorry.


"what i am to you is not what you mean to me" remember that when he tells you "i love you"

saints and sailors

sailor:

the more i think about it, the more i see the shadows shifting, the more i watch the whispers fade, the more i realize that it's all over. it was fun while it lasted, and i know we had some good times. and i hope that you can still miss me, think about it every now and then. because i can't stay here anymore, there is somewhere else i need to be. so tell whoever fills my shoes, or watches the lightning dance across your ceiling, about that one in many, the one who brought it all down, the one who found somewhere else she needed to be. and when you think about it, please don't hate me...

i've told you this before, i'll carry you with me forever. the good and the bad. the dirt and the purity. the moments when we really got each other. so when you think about it, if you ever do... please miss me. cause sometimes, i miss you.


---------

saint:


last night you asked me a question. and i had the answer you wanted. friday, we stood by the side of the world and danced on the hood of my car. i cried. and blue eyes pleaded, and you left the ground with me.

you have the map. follow the road i am leaving you. i'll be at the end when you get there. remember that all the places i've been, all the darkness i've seen, all the oceans i've been afraid of, all the dances we haven't had are beautiful side roads for us to go back to.

so let me answer you again. "yes, i will."


--------

"you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor"