a blog before bed....

i find myself in a place where i feel angry and dissapointed. this is my life in a nutshell. maybe i'm just pre-menstral. maybe i just had a moment. maybe i'm getting better and i just don't know it. but i was always told that the people who love me will help me get off the ground if i fall. well, i fell guys, and it hurt. now we begin the familiar process of change: things won't be quite like they were before. but i am very tired and in need of reciprocation of the "i love you"s i've been giving. not finding it readily available, i go now to my slumber.

"so live that when thy summons comes to join the innumerable caravan, which moves to that mysterious realm, where each shall take his chamber in the silent halls of death, thou go not, like the quarry slave at night, scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed by an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave like one who wraps the drapery of his couch around him and lies down to pleasent dreams."

last stanza of thanatopsis
william cullen bryant

it means live so that when you die, you are not afraid. live without regrets.