you know

you know when you see me. when your eyes catch mine and the blue gleam stares off into nothing and dreams of not hurting anymore. you are attuned to my pain. it's hard for me to put you through this. and i am so sorry i lied. i hope you can forgive me. but when it a wells up inside of me and the anger and hurt shine through, the lights go out, the sound comes up and i cn retreat into the music. "a million miles away" and in that moment i was. i promise to get better, if not for myself then for you. i also promise not to take it out on you or force you carry my load. just tell me what you're feeling and how you want to help. i love you.