last days

i'm seeing my home go up for sale, go up in flames, my memories scattering between the anrgy, vain, and too willing to please. but it's a price i'm willing to pay to say farewell to bad blood in that building. today, this easter, was most likely the last day we would all be there together. but it was okay. i'm slowly putting it behind me. and a few things were missing and it wasn't quite like "home" but even it had been exactly like i left it, it would still only have been a house to me. it hasn't been home for a while now. and i took my place today, climbing the ladder of dominant voices within my family. i sat at the head of my own table. i understand now that i am the single living tie between two separate groups of people. with that position comes untold power. and i don't even want it. i am now an adult among the new first generation of my own family. i have the say and right of my own father, maybe more than my mother, and backed by my aunt. they are all waiting in the wings to see me take my first steps. for the first time in the past 6 years, i am living my own life. i am living it for myself. i am no longer someone else's person.


easter sunday six long years ago, that's when it started. easter sunday, today, how fitting that today of all days it should end. today i let it go.