and i can't wait to come home

what will this world do with me when all this is over? it's hard to say what this feeling is in me. this has been a quiet christmas morning. i opened the last of my gifts alone. God bless my father's family for making me wait till the morning to open their gifts. it gave me something to wake up to. lunch with my daddy. reminds me of how much i respect him. the only other person i've seen today. and somewhere south of this town, my family members are gathering for a meal. they are watching my baby cousin play with the toys santa brought him. and i'm missing it. i'll make my coffee, or maybe hot tea, i believe it's a hot tea day today. and i will sit in my bed, in my clean, comfy bed. i will draw, maybe write, i could paint even. i will wait for someone to come home. then i will remember that i didn't clean up some of the boxes and paper. there will be yelling. and fussing. tomorrow, i will take down our tree again alone. i will remember my grandmother and the way the house used to feel. the warmth. i will remember long trips with my father to see the christmas lights. open fires, marshmellows, carols, the reading of the christmas story. i will miss the way it used to be. but we're all falling apart. so i'm turning to my friends. i would kill to sit around a fire with my friends and laugh. to be held close and cherished. to escape the world i'm in today. i can't wait to get back to all of you. soon. but for now, know that you are all in my thoughts. maybe i want to hug you, laugh with you, or break out into song with you. there are the one's i want to lie down with and make fun of the world with, pratice my sarcasm with, create inside jokes with. one i want to get under some mistletoe, breathe in, hold, ask dumb questions, and fall in love with. you all know who you are. you're all making this worth what it takes. maggie, you are my laughter. scott you are my protector. ruari, you are my ambition. asa and steven, you are my trust. amber, you are my always. ariana, you are what i miss. josh, you are my memory. lexi, you are my war. you are all much more than what's listed here. i'm grateful for you all, you're the best christmas present i have. merry christmas. i love you.