why not?
i'm never going to be that for someone.........
what's so worng with me? is there not enough passion? do i not have the beauty? am i just too ordinary? why can't i be magic too? it seems no matter the situation, i just can't seem to be enough for any of them. do i just try too hard? do i not give enough? why can't you just once look at me and see someone worth the time? there will forever be some reason, usually in the form of some other someone, much more intense or smarter, or just all around better than me.
"any boy would be lucky to have you." thats a lie. it's a lie because i've only ever heard it from the ones lucky enough to know they could have me..... they just didn't want me.
in the span of a month i have come to realize he'll never love me like that (at least he's admitting it now), and that the cycle of not being enough will keep on going. "you could have any boy you wanted." coming from the mouth of the one i could never seem to get, thats a slap in the face.
and my ultimate response.... "all my life, all i've ever wanted was for someone to love me like i love them..." but in all my wasted effort, i just can't seem to be what anyone wants.
and i find him infatuating. unlike the world i've known. even with his flaws. and i've given what i've wanted to, but his heart will never be mine. and my heart won't stay within me... he's getting it, little by little. but i don't think he wants it. i don't think he wants me. and he sees past the pain. he adores the broken scared little girl and holds her in her nightmares when her hands are tight in the dark.
but still i don't think he'll have me. and joshua was right.... it's the baggage. no one wants to fall in love with a girl like me. the worst part of it is, i think it's my fault.
so, at the end of all of this, i've just come to understand that somone will always be better for them than me... some other girl will be more (insert what they're looking for here) than i ever can be. they love me. he loves me. just not like they/he loves all the other "her's" in the world.
waiting for the day that i'm special
what's so worng with me? is there not enough passion? do i not have the beauty? am i just too ordinary? why can't i be magic too? it seems no matter the situation, i just can't seem to be enough for any of them. do i just try too hard? do i not give enough? why can't you just once look at me and see someone worth the time? there will forever be some reason, usually in the form of some other someone, much more intense or smarter, or just all around better than me.
"any boy would be lucky to have you." thats a lie. it's a lie because i've only ever heard it from the ones lucky enough to know they could have me..... they just didn't want me.
in the span of a month i have come to realize he'll never love me like that (at least he's admitting it now), and that the cycle of not being enough will keep on going. "you could have any boy you wanted." coming from the mouth of the one i could never seem to get, thats a slap in the face.
and my ultimate response.... "all my life, all i've ever wanted was for someone to love me like i love them..." but in all my wasted effort, i just can't seem to be what anyone wants.
and i find him infatuating. unlike the world i've known. even with his flaws. and i've given what i've wanted to, but his heart will never be mine. and my heart won't stay within me... he's getting it, little by little. but i don't think he wants it. i don't think he wants me. and he sees past the pain. he adores the broken scared little girl and holds her in her nightmares when her hands are tight in the dark.
but still i don't think he'll have me. and joshua was right.... it's the baggage. no one wants to fall in love with a girl like me. the worst part of it is, i think it's my fault.
so, at the end of all of this, i've just come to understand that somone will always be better for them than me... some other girl will be more (insert what they're looking for here) than i ever can be. they love me. he loves me. just not like they/he loves all the other "her's" in the world.
waiting for the day that i'm special
posted by lisa at 10:24 AM
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